Nothing good ever comes out of a person approaching you on a plane and saying "shoma irani hasteen?" The literal translation is "are you Iranian?" The actual meaning is "I am just about to screw you, because I speak Persian and you poor sap can't say no to a hamvatan, (fellow country man/woman). So lube up pizano!"
So I end up grabbing my beer and switching seats with her, to a window seat, which I hate, as I have already started the process of hydrating myself for the long trip and am going to need to have unobstructed access to the lavatory. I am also five rows upstream from my luggage, which means I have to wait for everyone to get off before I can grab my luggage. So much for not checking any luggage in.
The proper answer to "shoma irani hasteen?" is “excusez-moi, je ne parle pas très bien français”
I am starting a long journey to Harbin, China via the route: Detroit à LA à Beijing à Harbin. I can’t complain too much, because I think it’s a miracle that it’s done in 30 hours or less with no diseases and casualties. The switched seats, is a small set back. On the plus side, I get seated next to an attractive young lady who turns out to be the cliché LA woman, engrossed in her hair and makeup magazines. Now, I am going to seem like the frail old man with a weak bladder or an enlarged prostate, asking her for bathroom permission over the next 4 hours. THANK YOU HAMVATAN!!! MERCI!
The long faced southern Delta model on Safety TV says, "please watch these instructions even if you are a frequent flier." Really? Why?? I have not bought in on half of the bullshit she tells me and I never will. If the bag does not inflate, I WILL NOT keep the mask over my face and breath normally. How can oxygen flow and the bag still be crushed?! Has someone missed the chemistry class on natural gas laws? And I have never seen people evacuating for a water landing with such happy faces.
Appearances can be deceiving. The young lady sitting next to me turns out to be the President of Cinnabon, a 1.7 billion dollar coffee and pastry chain. She was completely the opposite of the ultra ditz that I had pegged her for, yet what was up with those magazines?! I didn't ask her about that.
I remember on one flight I sat next to a guy who said he sold cheese. I thought well, maybe it's a specialty cheese store. He said no, he just sold regular gorgonzola, parmesan and such. I thought "poor bastard! Making a living selling cheese! I am glad I am not this guy." Turned out he sold millions of tons of cheese to the entire southwestern united states. Had all the taco shops, Mexican chain restaurants and delis covered. Sold to the wholesalers and distributors. This guy sold more cheese than god... well I can't think of anything interesting to compare it to, but I mean a lot. More than another person who sells a lot of something else. And I am sure there was a ton of cheddar in his back account.
The moral of the story: You can never tell with people; don't judge them! Walk a mile in their shoes! Then you're probably far enough that you can just run off and keep the shoes.
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