Everybody seems to have some social clout these days. Kim Kardashian has 17 million twitter followers and I don't really know what she adds to the world. With all due humiliation, I think I add a lot more to the world than she does. Granted, I don't support a sizeable and well-loved rear-end, but I have genuinely and measurably done a lot of stuff with my life: designed products, led and mentored teams of engineers, published papers and patents, raised kids, etc. Where is my social clout? Time to do something about that: Fictitiously!
In an attempt to jack up my clout, I started with Yelp, the low hanging fruit. I spent three weeks giving random feedback to any and all businesses that I could find to win status points! Diaper services, dry cleaners, carpet cleaners, gun dealers...
Then it dawned on me that I could actually embed a story, spread out among my Yelp feedback, should the mystery-solving minds of the Yelpers be up to cracking the code. So I started a series of entries. Here are a few:
Kim's Cleaners: 1 star. These guys couldn't get a half pint of blood out of a shirt and pants if their lives depended on it. Very nosey people too. Will not do business with them again.
Zimmerman's Carpet Cleaners: 5 stars. Great job getting blood stains out. Very discreet and grateful for the $20 tip. Will do business with them again and recommend highly.
Tony's Pizza: 3 stars. Pizza was semi warm, but good. Nosy delivery boy, though easy to wrestle to the ground and tie up.
Hanks Guns and Ammo: 5 stars. Great guys all around. Were willing to skip background checks and filed off the serial numbers at no cost.
Victoria's Secret: 1 star. Wish I could give them 0 stars. these jerks will send a thank-you card for your recent large purchases to your house, where you have not brought a piece of their stupid clothing in ages. Then your wife is screaming about “what the heck is this all about?!”
Marriott Courtyard: 1 star. Yah, thanks for your postcards and promos sent to my home address. That’s why I paid cash, you home wreckers!
Joe's Crab Shack: 2 stars. The food is ok, a bit pricy for what you get. Their plastic aprons tear through easily.
Home Depot: 3 stars. Had to ask five people to show me where to find strong black plastic material to wrap something floppy in to pull around that weighs around 120 pounds or so. Good selection of picks and shovels.
Lefty's Bailbonds: 3 stars. Very slow to respond.
McCann Law Offices: just checked in. Feedback to come in a few months.
Well, I am wondering if anyone is going to data mine Yelp and other feedback sites for patterns. I bet you could tell a whole person's life’s habits, behaviors, shopping patterns and much more by this publicly available data. Hey, this might just be the next great startup idea: to aggregate data from various social network sites on people and $$$$. Be warned, if anyone steals this idea from me, they'll be dealt with swiftly and I'll bury the story across many different social networking sites.
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